So many of you are aware that Gavin has been a challenging child to parent. We have been meeting with a social worker, who specializes in children that have been adopted and dealing with all the past hurt, neglect, etc they have been through. We are getting some good ideas of how to better parent Gavin. We are reading a book called, Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow, by Keck and Kupecky. I had to laugh when I came to this part in the book that compares adopted children to cactus. Because if you've been around Gavin much, you would know that he likes to talk about cactus. One of his classmates from school even drew him a birthday card with a cactus on it. One of his favorite phrases is "CACTUS OUCH!".
Here are some excerpts from the book that made me laugh to compare my son to a cactus:
“Unfortunately, hurt children are not always tender plants waiting to be watered. Instead, they are often prickly cacti with needles sharp enough to keep parents away. But even a cactus needs some water, just as a hurt child needs to experience the attachment cycle-including gratification-if he is to build trust. “
“So the challenge becomes how to nurture someone who repels nurturing…how to sneak in enough fun so that the little cactus will begin to bloom. When the child is open, the parent can pour in love, and the little plant will begin to grow.”
Friday, April 23, 2010
Our little cactus....
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2 comments:
what a touching piece out of the book you are reading! You are excellent parents especially with the challenges you face on a minute-by-minute basis!!!
I am glad you are getting suggestions from books and other people, especially since no one in your family has experienced parenting an adopted child. Gavin learned early what a cactus is all about. I hear they had fun in IL. I had to laugh when Gavin wanted to know when you are going back. I understand the dog cried for the kids too when you all left.
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